Ache
by Cengiz
Summary: Her heart was aching. And it got worse with every single moment; every moment she saw him or even only knew he was near by but she couldn't talk to him; every second the thought about him sneaked up into her mind, cutting deeper into her oppressed heart.


**A/N:** Hello my dears, it's been a long time, I know. And I'm sincerely apologising for that.

This is a little fic, that came up into my mind at 2 o'clock in the morning. And yes, it's really short, but it was written from my heart.

And for my other stories, please don't worry. They will be finished and uploaded. Definitely. And the other stories i've written but not published so far, they will be published as well. :o) It's just too stressful at the moment, and I don't want to upload any chapter I'm not 100% ok with. So please be a little more patient. I know I ask for lot, but it's worth it. :o)

Again, I'm really sorry and please enjoy the story.

A big thank you to lovingthis for beta-reading the story. You're awesome!

Have fun!

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Her heart was aching.

And it got worse with every single moment; every moment she saw him or even only knew he was near by but she couldn't talk to him; every second the thought about him sneaked up into her mind; when she entered the building, walked along the corridors she knows he is walking everyday too, even when she picked up a cup for tea, then suddenly the thought was there, cutting deeper into her oppressed heart.

Her friends said that she was stupid for wasting her love to someone who would never love her back. She knew damn well how stupid she was, that's what love did to her. Her friends even told her to simply forget him. If only it was that easy. She tried it, a lot. Telling herself that he will never feel the same for her no matter what. She told herself to stop loving him. But her heart was deceitful. It never followed her order, but hurt her even more instead. It was, as if her heart felt the pain for so long that it was unable to even imagine a time of being at peace.

She even thought about quitting. Moving far away and erasing every single thought at him, the workplace and the whole danger they had to deal with day by day. Then maybe one day she would be fine again, one day she would be happy, and he would be a mere memory, not strong enough to cause any more pain.

But she could never do that. Not with her knowing that he was out there, risking his life everyday and every day the risk of him not coming back safely would be more and more. It would hurt more that way, she was sure, hurt more to never see him again than to live her life close to him knowing he was unattainable.

It was all about those moments from time to time, what her heart was longing for. Those random occasions, when they met in the hallway and he would smile at her, greet her and ask her about her day. Then her heart would skip a beat, her eyes would sparkle like those gold-shining time-portals she managed to see once, and her mind would dive into a world where she could pretend that he liked her more than just a colleague, even more than just a friend. That moment was her own personal heaven.

But she knew, deep inside of her heart, that this was just a fantasy. Yes, he was nice to her, and sometimes he stood that close to her that she could feel the warmth of his body, and then, when he was laying his hand on the lower of her back to guide her through a door, shivers would run down her spine, awaking the thousands of butterflies that were waiting inside her stomach. But he never looked at her the way he looked at that woman. He unintentionally started to smile, every time someone just mentioned her name. Even if he tried to hide it as best as possible by making a straight face, his eyes would give him away. The way he acted around that woman, gave it away, too.

And she wished so dearly that he would act around her this way, just for once. He always made excuses to be near her. He would bring her presents in form of little violet chocolate bars, and he did everything to make her happy: The woman who is in charge of guiding him and his teams through dangerous situations day by day, who is able to keep everything covered up, not only for their safety, but for the safety of every single person living in this country, and most probably for every single person living on this planet.

She, she was just a lab assistant, she was no one in comparison to the FCO. How could she ever compete with her. That woman, who was so lovely to everyone, who made it so easy to like and love her and so impossible to hate.

No, he would never look at her the way he looked at his love. They were perfect together. Everyone knew this. Everyone talked about it on the quiet. And every time one of her colleagues came to her, saying: "Did you see? The Captain brought Miss Parker chocolate again, with coffee flavour. And he had put two tickets to the cinema on top", every time she heard it, had to listen to her co-workers, her heart would bleed a little bit more.

Of course she was happy for them. She wished them all the best. She wished him all the best of her heart. Because he deserved it. More than anyone else. He deserved to be happy. And they would made such a cute couple. She really was genuine happy for them, that they found each other, loved each other.

But still, that didn't take the pain away. And she felt ashamed of it. She never wanted to fall in love with him, she never wanted this pain and she never wanted to feel pain when seeing them together, especially not when she should be happy for them.

Did this make her a bad person? Was this the reason there has no one been there for her until now? Maybe. Or maybe she was just someone who simply felt too much.

People were always telling her how nice and sweet she was, and that it was a pity she hasn't found someone for herself by now. But they only talked. No one, ever, had shown interest in her, had considered her to be even suitable for them, had felt she was worth trying. They only said that there should be someone. Always someone else, none of them had ever considered this someone to be themselves. It was as if they didn't see her at all, didn't see her as someone they could fall in love with.

And this hurt. Badly. It hurt so much that she was crying herself to sleep every night or lied awake thinking about him, his smile and hazel eyes. His lovely nature and his deep care for other people. And she wished he was hers even if it was for just one minute. But all she had were those few minutes that she wished to happen every morning she got out of bed. Those little times where she could be near him, where she had his attention for so short a time, but still long enough for her to imagine that all that counted for him was she. Those faint moments when she was happy and her heart was at ease.

Her friends always told her to just be patient. Someday someone would come. But how was she supposed to meet new people? She, shy as she was, with her day put full of work. She, who never understood the rules of flirting, who never saw the signs when someone was truly interested in her.

People said that she shouldn't be that picky. That she should choose the first person who would want her for a relationship and then, eventually, she would love that person, too, and be happy. But how could she be with someone she not only not loved or had feelings for, but hadn't had the slightest interest in being near that person, touch that person and heaven forbids make love to that person. Wouldn't that life be a lie? Wouldn't that be unfair not only to the other person, but especially to herself. Wasn't she worth it to love and be loved? Or was she really just too picky?

Those thoughts and fears tore her apart. The wish to be with someone, just to not be lonely anymore. And on the other side the wish to be with that person she loved, that person she forbid herself to even mention her true feelings to herself, that person she told herself every single moment that she was not allowed to want him, that her feelings were wrong. That person, who could make her world go upside down by just one look. That person who was simply him.

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**A/N:** The end. :o)

I hope you liked it. Please leave a little comment and let me know

:o)

Thank you for reading.

Have a nice day!


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